The Decaf Conspiracy

Last week, Mandi and I switched our morning coffee from the strongest possible Columbian blend to a 50/50 mix of decaf and regular. It was an attempt to minimize her caffeine intake, which of course I will suffer through with her. As the mix ran out, we switched again, this time to straight unleaded. In a lot of ways I've often thought of our morning coffee more as a routine than a dietetic need. I consider myself relatively energetic, so I mentally downplayed my dependence on caffeine. Well it's officially day 2 of straight decaf, and I'm calling foul. Yesterday, after 3 cups of the faux-java I arrived at the gym lethargic and uninspired. I worked out about as listlessly as I have ever exercised in my life, and realized after my shower that I was in serious need of caffeine. So before I picked up Lily from the childwatch, I stopped to get a cup of the YMCA's complimentary coffee. They offer 1 carafe of decaf and 2 of regular every day, so when I approached the service cart I could actually feel the lethargy begin to escape from my muscles. I pumped the first carafe of regular coffee and it spit hot air at me, but I was not dismayed. As I tried the second, my first pump produced marvelously steaming coffee, and I think the sun broke from behind the clouds at that exact moment. The second pump, however, came up empty. I would have to settle for half a cup of caffeinated joy, but it was better than nothing.

Today, after only 2 cups of the pointless home brew, my intention was to grab a complimentary cup before my workout. Friday, after all, is my last workout before taking the weekend off, so I generally go pretty hard. You can imagine my dismay when I discovered both of the regular carafes absent, with only the single orange-handled decaf one available. At that point I decided that it must be some wide-reaching decaf coffee conspiracy that I'd fallen prey to, and it was absolutely not funny. Had their not been two fresh pots ready for me at the end of my workout, there's a good possibility I would have knocked over a convenience store out of sheer desperation for some caffeine. But alas, all is right with the world. Now I will rely on a steady supply of iced tea over the weekend and get back to YMCA coffee on Monday.