Under The Bus

By 9:30 this morning I had enough material for a really funny post. Like most things in life, it just got better with time.

Being our 4th wedding anniversary, Mandi and I decided to just relax around the house and spend time together this morning. Neither of us got out of our pajamas until after 10:00. We got some things done, had a leisurely breakfast, and generally just hung out. The only drawback to this plan is that Lily bores easily . . very easily.

She got up around 6:15, was dressed (and I'm using that term loosely) by 6:25, and had her entire chest of dress-up clothes emptied onto the floor by 7:00. She spent most of the next 2 hours acting out her own version of Snow White, in which she was too late to make it to the Princess Ball with the other princesses, she had already eaten the poison apple, and she was waiting for me, King Daddy, to save her from the monsters in the Spooky Forest. She mixed in some performances of her latest and greatest songs from upon her "stage", which is actually the wicker toy box in the living room. Her favorite song, for those who haven't heard it, repeats the phrases "If I don't care if YOU don't care" and " Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls!". So far, this would be considered par for the course, and nothing to really write home about.

Then something happened. She tired of Snow White and began to get extra bored. Having taken off her tappin' shoes, she immediately put back on the socks she'd picked out for today. They're green and white and have little strawberries on them, as well as the Strawberry Shortcake logo near the top. They were inside out from being taken off carelessly earlier, but that didn't stop her. She put them on as-is, with the white heel spot conveniently located over her ankles. She then strapped her pink light-up tennis shoes back on and marched upstairs to find something else to do. All of this, mind you, while wearing a blue dress. What an ensemble.

A minute or two later, I began getting summoned to come upstairs and help Lily find her Dora The Explorer outfit. I try to make her keep looking until she finds it herself, but at some point it's like a switch flips and she's completely incapable of continuing on with something that she perceives has already failed. "Sailboat, sailboat, why can't I see the stupid sailboat!?!" I relented, went up and found her shirt for her, and went on my way. This is the end result.


Remember what I said about it only getting better? Half an hour passed and Mandi and I finally decided on a course of action for the morning. We would get dressed and head down the road to get Lily and I haircuts. Mandi and I went upstairs, and as is her custom these days, Lily was hollering for us from the bottom of the stairs no more than 40 seconds later. Over the TV we could hear her saying "Can I have . . " over and over again, but we couldn't tell what she was asking for. Mandi went to the top of the stairs and asked what she wanted, and Lily shouted "Cream Mommy, can I have some cream?"

Mandi still didn't know what she was asking for, so in response to the puzzled look she received Lily held up the can of Reddi Whip, or "cream" to show Mommy what she was asking for. Mandi of course could not contain her laughter, and she insisted Lily come upstairs to show me what she had. This is a very good re-creation of precisely how she looked when she showed me the whipped cream.


You may be wondering, now that you've stopped laughing hysterically, why I titled this post "Under The Bus".

When I saw what she had, I immediately knew why she had it. Hearing it from her mouth, however, would allow me to use the information to my advantage, so I lobbed a couple of semi-leading questions her way and just sat back and waited.

"We don't just eat whipped cream Lily . . who let you just eat whipped cream?"

No response, just a sheepish grin.

"Lily, did you get to eat whipped cream with somebody?"

"Yeah."

"With who?"

"With my Meema."

Busted!!! I knew full well my mom was the culprit . . whipped cream has been one of her favorite foods for as long as I can remember. I'm not surprised at all that she's trying to corrupt Lily with her addiction. It is, after all, more fun to share. I'm sure she told her it'd be "their little secret." Not so much Mom, not so much.

When Mandi and I finished laughing hysterically about Lily throwing Meema under the bus we all headed back downstairs. I thought we'd made it clear to Lily that she couldn't just have some whipped cream to eat, but she kept on asking. Eventually my nice, rational responses turned into semi-annoyed "No, will you stop bugging me!" I yelled at her to put it back in the fridge, and her response looked almost exactly like this:


I say almost, because when the camera comes out she tries to put on a smile through the tears. Before the camera, however, it was nothing but snot bubbles and alligator tears. Poor thing, she got spoiled at Meema's and now it's back to the harsh realities of home.